...

I haven't written a blog in a while. Not that anybody reads them par Jess tbh.

I've only recently realised that there is quite a lot of stuff going on atm, and I haven't really thought about it till I knew I wasn't happy. And I didn't at first know why I was unhappy. As I didn't feel anything major had happened. But as always its loads of little things that pile up on things and hit me in the end. I shall list the problems I have atm. Even though I feel so pathetic to be so unhappy about them -- well least some of them.

Firstly I guess the matter I had over the whole of summer was Uni. Worrying if I'd be able to mend my relationship with my mate -- the one I was gonna live with, with 5 other strangers whom she had already bonded with. This answer I still don't know. I'm back at uni, she's talking to me. But not all the house mates have moved in yet. So I'm scared to think what they're gonna think about me. 'cos I hardly ever make friends -- just people I know and randomly talk to as I'm to shy to make things happen if I feel that they don't like me -- which could be bollocks as I read into things too much sometimes.
Another Uni trouble is friends generally. I haven't made one successful relationship yet, not one person to rely on -- I thought I had at the beginning but they all felll apart. I now just gotta make all the effort and suck up the fact that Im not gonna be asked out to do things. Im not gonna be the person people first think to hang out with. So I shall just remind them I'm still here and ask them. 'cos for all I know, they could be feeling the same thing.
I'm gonna make more effort to make new friends too. Join a society or something. I'm sick of seeing all my mates from back home having a blast at uni where I feel like mine is shit compared.
I'm worried about money too. I really need a job. Seen as Im paying bills now and shitt.
I'm worried I'll hate my course or do really shit and fail. I wanna do well. I have one shot at this. BUt I dunno if I have the brains for it. I just have to kick myself to try.

Then with shizz back home. My Gran has secondary bone cancer. I have no idea if she'll be okay if it's anywhere else yet. Another thing I've gotta wait for.
As well as my mum having an operation. ANd I can't be there for her. And I know it hurts her that I won't be.

I've just gotta wait until all the things turn out to play. I've just gotta wait to see how I can act when I'm eventually faced with things. I've gotta be patient to let things happen. I've gotta be determined to get the things I want, not just be lazy and settle for crap. For once in my life I will be truly happy with myself and my situation knowing I've done everything to make it better.

Jess' story.

Jess was a crazy lass. But a loveable one. However she was lost in the world she lived in. It just wasn’t right for her. She dreamed of never growing up, living in a place that was truly mythical which had stars every night, fields covered with lilies, apple trees, ideal picnic spots, picturesque sights – ideal for her photography and drawings, and snowed every winter. But for Jess is was just a dream.
One rainy day she was out in the town, yet she forgot an umbrella and started to curse as her hair looked perfect. At that moment a fit lad covered her with his coat and brought her into a nearby pub, he bought her a pint and gave her an apple. She was a bit confused at first at this lads generosity as everyone where she lived were foul. Yet she took the apple and took a bite. It was the most glourious fruit she had ever tried and pondered on where he had got it from. He told her that it was from somewhere magical, ‘I’ll take ya there oneday if you like?’ he said. She looked at him confused and said ‘Well take me now if such a place exists.’ The lad then took Jess’ hand ran outside into the rain and told her to run with him, they kept running, right into the middle of the park, he then led her to the largest tree and before she knew it she was in her dream world. She gasped taking in all the sights she could see, and at the bottom of the hill was a picnic all set him, the lad pulled her down and they rolled down the hill right to the bottom. They sat around the picnic, and the lad then held out his hand and said ‘Oh btw I’m Joey.’

..

I don't care what anyone says. She's mine. Always will. Spesh her cheeks. Otherwise how else can she be my Theodore?
People can borrow her. But they'll never fully have her. Nope. She's my best friend. That bond is stronger than any other. Friends are always forgiven.
“Friendship isn't about whom you have known the longest... It's about who came, and never left your side...”

Yeh it'll be hard letting her go, letting her be vunerable. But I'll always be there when everyone else around her fucks up. Doesn't matter what happens. I'm there.

She's a knob thinking she doesn't deserve this crap, but that's 'cos she's too stubborn to agree with me. I'll make her realise one day, I've got time. She'll smile every day. I'll make sure of it.

For Tammy

'cos she's pretty sweet tbh.

Tammy is an amazing gorgeous lady who lived in a castle by the sea. She loved it there, the sand between her toes and feeling and smell of the sea breeze made her at ease.
One sunny day she decided to go for a little swim in the sea just to cool down and relax, however before she knew it, she had ventured so far into the sea, and could just about see the shore. Tammy panicked, as she was so relaxed by her movement with the waves she didn't feel she had the energy to swim to shore.
Though to her relief a young handsome surfer, who had been catching the waves nearby her, came to her rescue and brought her back to her castle, carrying her all the way to her room.
He provided her with a nice warm tea and biccies to warm her up. Then they cuddled all night watching major filmage. Tammy believed this was the start to something remarkable.

The end =)

I've been bannned.

By my dad.
I'm not allowed to say "fair enough" -_-
He was like you always say it.
I'm like it's just my way in showing you I'm acknowledging what your saying. What else am I mena do, not answer.
I thought he was joking when he said it the other day.
But I was just talking to him just now, and he was like 'oi! that word is banned'
-_-

Drawing.

I love it tbh.

But I'm shit at it.

Well I lie to a certain extent.

I'm good at drawing faces and shizz - sorta.

But I'm pretty amazing at copying. Know that sounds lame.

But give me an already drawn picture and I can match it.

The two pics here are prob my fave things I've done tbh.

I just know need to work on shading and shizz =/

All in good time.

Things atm.

Well my year so far has been alright, a few shitty things, but I've had enough of being depressed or getting worked about things -- or people.
I guess I loved my life before Uni, my mates at school were pretty amazing - never met anybody like them - it was perfect really. But then we all had to go and do are own shizz all over the effing country.
I was an idiot --- in the sense not clever enough in grades and also in the location I picked for my uni. Winchester is nice, it's awesome "city" but like there is no life there, everyone are snobs or geeks. I felt that I wanted to get out of the city life due to London, thinking that s'oton and Basingstoke were near by, I was wrong.
My uni as a whole has been alright, the work is okay, I do think I'm enjoying it, I've met few cool people on the course --- just a shame my house mates sucked. I'm worried about next year seen as my mate won't talk to me but meh. I just cba to argue with people anymore, just wish people would get over things, life is way too short to be moany arses.
Though it's been good I guess. Just I regret the location - compared to where my mates are - but I can't let that ruin my life.

So lets see the summer.
It's been pretty mint so far.
I've met up with so many people, makes me happy. And there is still loads more to come.
So far it's just been lil things like laying in the park, picnics, bbqs, pubs etc. But it's been so nice.
I didn't realise how much I missed my mates.
Though there is more to come; Gay Pride, picnic in Regents Park, Ricky's party etc.
Should be good.